The site she mentioned is designed for freelance writers such as myself. While I certainly don’t have a lot of articles out there online or in magazine under my name, there are a fair number that I have ghostwritten, so I can pat myself on the back, just can’t tell anyone else! The website is for both freelance as well as ghostwriters, which can be two different creatures. Typically freelance writers are just that, sending in query letters and hoping to have their articles snatched up by a magazine, online publication or even a a publishing company – now that is hitting the jackpot. Ghostwriters, on the other hand, live in the dark, writing for others but not credited for their work. Of course you also don’t have to come up with the ideas, so it does definitely have its benefits.

The person and service that I was recommended to was Darrell at Writer’s Bridge. He not only responded to my inquiry about his site within just a few hours but he also sent me a wealth of ideas, information and potential job sources, all without anything on my part. In these times of everyone for themselves this was really an unexpected bonus. I would highly recommend both the website and the service for anyone that hasn’t already stumbled upon this treasure trove for writing ideas.

It seems that throughout my life I have bumped into, or perhaps been led, to some really outstanding people. I want to do a post about each one, starting with the parents that adopted me and moving through the individuals in my life. I hope that you will feel free to add your own special people, after all we all have someone to thank for where we are right now.

In the middle of these two extremes of the ADR spectrum is mediation. In mediation a third party neutral works as a facilitator of the communication to help the people involved in the disagreement reach a mutually agreeable solution. Depending on where you live a mediator may be an attorney but they also may be a non-attorney that is specially trained in communication and conflict management.

As a non-attorney mediator I often get people ask me how hiring yet another professional is going to save them money. In reality mediation can help save money both in the short and long term for several reasons.

Most of the people that return to court after an initial ruling are there because they either didn’t understand the settlement order or they didn’t fully develop the problem and the settlement is not comprehensive enough. Typically this occurs because not all information comes forward in a civil trial or hearing. In litigation the judge or jury only hears what the lawyers bring forth in direct testimony or cross examination. In mediation a good mediator will provide options for the parties involved to talk about the whole picture, without the same restrictions on evidence and testimony that are present in the courtroom.

Fewer trips to court for clarification of orders and settlement terms means lower post judgment costs to the individuals.

A judge or jury is limited to the creativity of the solutions or settlements they can propose. They have to go by the legal statutes and precedents set in prior similar cases. During meditation the parties can mutually agree on unique and very individual types of resolutions. These agreements are typically very comprehensive, with the mediator acting to “reality check” how the agreed upon resolution will actually work for everyone involved. This checking in with the parties before agreeing upon a resolution means that potential problems in following through on the agreement will be addressed in the agreement and limited in the future.

More comprehensive agreements and detailed resolutions mean less chance of having to return to court to modify the order or settlement.

People that are allowed to create their own solutions, fully understand both the problem as well as the resolution and take the time to hear and be heard are more likely to support the resolution. This is because as humans we want to have control of our own destiny, not have someone else tell us what we have to do. When people develop their own solution, test how it will work for them and have input into the process they are less likely to look for loopholes in the final agreement.

When all parties follow through there is no need to go back to court, saving money and creating a method of resolving further problems without the need to involve the legal system.

As a mediator in the field, it is always amazing to me to see how many “newbies” have completed the basic training and think that they are actually prepared to mediate. While training is certainly the basis of professional development, it is also not the end of the learning curve when it comes to helping people handle conflict and develop a deeper understanding of the problem. Some of the most experienced mediators I know are constantly attending trainers, not as “experts” but rather as part of the learning community.

When considering any type of mediation training from basic to advanced there are several things to keep in mind. Below are several aspects of a training to consider before signing up:

1. Qualifications and Experience – not just of the company or organization that is offering the training, but also of the individual trainers. There are programs that are offering mediation, negotiation or conflict resolution training that don’t offer mediation, negotiation or conflict resolution services. This should definitely be a red flag that you are getting a pre-packaged training that is likely to leave you wondering what on earth you just spent your money on.

2. Price of the Training – more expensive does not necessarily mean higher quality. Many of the local mediation associations and groups around the country pool together to offer very high quality trainings by nationally known mediators for a very small price. Typically the fee is even further reduced if you become a member of their organization.

3. Meeting The Standards – while I don’t know about all states, most states do have a set standard of training for mediators that want to offer services through the courts. In general there is a basic training, family and divorce mediation training and advanced training that each will have their own standards and requirements to qualify for certification or approval to be used as a mediator through the court system. Ensuring you train through an organization or trainer that is following these standards is critical for your training to count.

There are other factors that come into consideration that will vary based on the type of training you are considering. Just be sure to do some research about both the trainer and the organization before you decide if it is worth your time, money and effort.

In my experience the best mediators aren’t one type of personality. They aren’t the people that avoid conflict and pacify others and just smooth things over but they also aren’t the people that are highly competitive and have to win. They are certainly not the controlling individuals or the ones that claim to know the answer to all the problems in the world. It seems to me that the best mediators are those that are curious about what causes disagreement and conflict. These people are willing to look conflict and dissention right in the eye and say, “Hmm, now what seems to be at the root of this?”

This isn’t to say that mediators are actually diagnosis or treating conflict, to use medical terms, but rather they are addressing the issues and allowing the individuals to take the time to explore and examine the issues. Mediators that are naturally curious, not afraid to ask the difficult questions and even less afraid to hear the answers tend to make the best professionals.

Perhaps the biggest personality issue that all great mediators have is the ability to listen and to remain curious about the issues, not about the people at the table. This ability to make the conflict the central focus and create an environment where people are comfortable enough to explore, take risks and discuss possible solutions is really the key issue between an average mediator and a great one.

This blog is an attempt to focus in on the skills and the micro and macro techniques that mediators routinely use in their careers. As a mediator  I will be talking about conflict resolution skills that I believe are effective, but also in some techniques that are actually going to increase the level of conflict, not actually decrease the issue. I hope this will help develop my understanding of conflict and conflict resolution, and perhaps also get others thinking about what works and what doesn’t work in this essential area of communication.

I would like to encourage others to comment, add their own ideas and opinions and generally discuss issues about conflict resolution, consensus building and working through the challenges that life sends at us in the form of challenging friends, coworkers, employers and, let’s face it, family members as well.